I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
