My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
