So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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