Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
