I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
