I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
