Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
