Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
