"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
