I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize