just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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