I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
