there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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