you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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