U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
