Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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