The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Randomize
