i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
