I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
