listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
