I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
