Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
