I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize