can we get nightvision for the apartment?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
