when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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