New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm like, not good at living.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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