Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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