Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I can text with my tongue
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
