The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
