It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
