i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
and you fell through a lawn chair
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
