It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Randomize
