I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
