If that was your dad, he is hot
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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