dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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