i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
In America we eat man semen.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I stole a fireplace last night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
