Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
