he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
