Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
