If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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