She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
