You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
