Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
