I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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