maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize