I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
