"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
