Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
