Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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