She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
