She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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