I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
