when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
