I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
