She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
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I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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