so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
