last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have tasted many bathrooms
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
