Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
