i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
