I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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