He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
