I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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