I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
