in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just pee around me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
May the power of my ass compel you!!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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