i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
