So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.