Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.

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(248): View more from Michigan

he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.

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(863): View more from Florida

you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar

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(214): View more from Texas

I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(573): View more from Missouri

If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing

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(706): View more from Georgia

I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?

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(720): View more from Colorado

My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.

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(347): View more from New York

All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.

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