11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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