What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
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Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys