I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
