john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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