Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
