you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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